Our Son's Haircut Journey: Finding the Right Barber

Published July 12, 2026

A mum shares how her family found a sensory-friendly barber for their autistic son — why haircuts overwhelm, what helped, and how you can add yours to help others.

This is one mother's personal experience. Every child and family is different.For many families, a haircut is a small errand. For our family, it became one of the most stressful parts of the month.My son is six and non-verbal. Haircuts have always been extremely difficult for him. The buzzing clippers, loose hairs on his neck, the cape around his body, bright lights, unfamiliar people, and someone touching his head can all feel overwhelming. What looks like a quick haircut to others can feel like far too much for him.This has been a long journey for our family. It did not become easier quickly, and we did not find the right approach straight away. Only recently have we begun to feel more settled, after finding a barber and a routine that better support our son.As his mum, I wanted to make it easier. But it was my husband who slowly became the person who took on the haircut journey with him.<h2>In the beginning, every haircut felt like a battle</h2>We tried different places. We arrived with toys, snacks, videos, and all the encouragement we could think of. Still, he would become upset before the haircut had properly started.In the earlier days, my husband and I would go together. I would stand beside our son with my phone in one hand, playing the songs that sometimes helped him feel calmer, while my husband held and supported him in the chair. We were both trying our best, but it was a real struggle for all of us.Some days, we simply had to leave because he could not sit through it. We would come home with hair that had a style all its own — uneven, sticking out in strange directions, and far from a finished haircut. Sometimes one section would grow much longer than the rest, because that was all he could manage before we had to stop.Looking back, those moments showed us just how overwhelmed he was. Sometimes the barber was kind but unfamiliar with sensory needs. Sometimes they were in a hurry because the salon was busy. Sometimes the clippers came too close, too quickly — and each rushed or unfamiliar visit only left him more worried about the next one. It was heartbreaking to watch. But it took me far longer to truly understand why it was all so much for him.<h2>Why a haircut can feel so overwhelming</h2>It took me a long time to understand that, for my son, resisting a haircut was almost never about the haircut itself. He was not being stubborn, and he was not "playing up." What a haircut really meant for him was a pile-up of uncomfortable sensations, all landing at the same moment — and everything about a salon seemed to make that worse.If you have never had to think about it, it is worth pausing on how much is happening in those few minutes. The clippers buzz and vibrate. Scissors snip close to the ears. A spray bottle hits the skin cold and without warning. Strong-smelling products hang in the air. The lights are harsh, mirrors surround him on every side, dryers roar, and often two or three conversations run at once. What most of us barely notice, my son feels at full volume, all at once, with nowhere for any of it to go.Then there is the touch. A person he may not know is right up against him, hands on his head, needing him to hold completely still — at the very moment every instinct is telling him to move away. And afterwards come the tiny cut hairs, settling on his face and neck and slipping under his collar. For many autistic people that prickling feeling is not a small annoyance; it is almost impossible to tune out.When I finally pictured a haircut the way he might be living it, his reactions made complete sense. What looks like a tantrum from the outside is very often the opposite of misbehaviour — it is a child who has simply taken in more than his body can hold. Understanding that changed how we approached every appointment afterwards. And if you are not sure which parts affect your own child the most, an occupational therapist can help you work out their particular sensory triggers.<h2>My husband took the lead</h2>Over time, my husband started taking our son for haircuts on his own. He learned that the appointment had to happen at the right time of day, when our son was rested and not already overloaded. He learned to keep the plan simple and never let the haircut feel like a surprise.My son does not really follow an explanation about where we are going or what will happen. So my husband did not rely on talking him through it in advance. Instead, he focused on being his familiar, calm person: staying close, keeping the same simple routine where he could, and responding to what our son was showing us in the moment.When our son became overwhelmed, my husband stayed with him, held his hand when that helped, and allowed breaks. Sometimes our son sat on his lap. Sometimes they stopped after only a small trim and tried again another day. The reassurance was never in the words. It was in being there, staying calm, and not pushing him further than he could go that day.<h2>Finding the right barber changed everything</h2>Honestly, there was no clever trick to how we found him. We did not have a special list or a recommendation to follow. My husband simply kept trying — a new place, a new person, another attempt after a bad appointment — until, eventually, one barber turned out to be different. It took time, and a lot of visits that did not work, before we got lucky. If your own search feels like nothing more than trial and error, I want you to know: that was us, too.When we finally found him, the difference was immediate. This barber did not rush. He listened when my husband explained that our son needed more time. He showed him the clippers before turning them on. He spoke gently and warned him before touching his hair. If our son needed a break, he waited — without ever making us feel embarrassed.He understood that success did not have to mean finishing the haircut in one visit. Sometimes success meant our son sat in the chair. Sometimes it meant he tolerated the cape. Sometimes it meant only a few minutes of cutting. That patience built trust. Little by little, our son began to recognize the barber, the chair, and the routine. Haircuts did not become his favorite thing, but they became far less frightening.<h2>What helped our family</h2>These are some of the things that made a difference for us:<ul><li>Finding one patient barber: Familiarity helped our son know what to expect. If you can, search for a "sensory-friendly" barber, or simply call ahead and ask whether they are comfortable working with an autistic child who may need extra time.</li><li>Explaining his needs before the appointment: My husband spoke to the barber in advance, so our son did not have to cope with rushed explanations in the moment.</li><li>Going at a quiet time: Fewer people, less noise, and less waiting made the visit easier.</li><li>Letting my husband stay close: Sitting on his lap or holding his hand gave our son reassurance.</li><li>Taking breaks: A short pause could stop the whole experience from becoming too much.</li><li>Using familiar comforts: A favorite video, toy, headphones, or snack helped him feel more settled.</li><li>Accepting small steps: We stopped measuring success by whether every hair was perfectly cut.</li></ul><h2>What I learned as his mum</h2>I learned that I did not have to solve every part of this alone. Watching my husband patiently take our son through it reminded me how important it is for both parents to find the roles where they can offer the most comfort. For us, that person happened to be Dad — but the "safe person" in the chair can be a mum, a grandparent, or any caregiver your child trusts. What matters is that it is someone familiar, and someone calm.My husband did not fix this overnight. He kept showing up. He kept trying again after difficult appointments. And by simply not giving up, he found the barber who finally treated our son with patience and respect. That persistence — not a perfect haircut — is what made all the difference.<h2>To other parents</h2>If haircuts are difficult for your child, you are not alone. It may take time to find the right barber, the right environment, and the right routine. Do not be afraid to leave a salon that is not a good fit. You and your child both deserve patience.If it feels like you are just trying place after place with no system, that is okay — that was us, too. Sometimes finding the right person really is trial and error, and it is worth continuing.For our family, the breakthrough did not come from forcing our son to tolerate a haircut. It came from slowing down, letting his dad support him, and finding a barber who understood that trust had to come first.Sometimes the right barber is not simply someone who gives a good haircut. Sometimes it is someone who helps your child feel safe enough to sit in the chair.<hr>If this story helped you, please like it and share it with another family — a small tap can point another parent to the support they have been looking for. 💙<hr><h3>Found a barber who gets it? Put them on the map.</h3>The hardest part of our journey was not knowing where to begin. There was no list, no recommendation — just us, trying place after place.That is exactly why Autism Resource Hub has Places — a map of sensory-friendly barbers, salons, and other spots that parents themselves have recommended, because they watched their own child be treated with patience there. A few families have already added theirs, and every one makes the search a little shorter for the next parent.So if you have found somewhere that gets it, take a minute to <a target="blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://autismresourcehub.org/places">suggest a place</a>. You will just add the business, tick what makes it sensory-friendly, and share a few words about your experience — that is all it takes. The place that felt like a small win for your family could be the exact answer another parent has been searching for.<hr><h2>A Community Built by Parents, for Parents</h2>Autism Resource Hub is a growing community where families learn, share experiences, and support one another through every stage of the journey.We welcome parents, caregivers, educators, and professionals to share experiences, corrections, additional resources, or helpful insights.For feedback or suggestions, please contact: <a target="blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="mailto:info@autismresourcehub.org">info@autismresourcehub.org</a>

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